Invincible

First full song I’ve written. I appreciate critiques.

Never again

I just can’t do it anymore

The look on your face as I’m walking out the door

The screams I hear in the silence on the floor

The people I meet that tell me I am just a bore

See them snoring

Wearing their Jordan’s

Telling me I’m ignoring the truth

But they don’t show any proof

The beginning of an era

You never should have scared her

Cause in that moment you showed her what she can do

I’m invincible, unstoppable

Prepared for the world

25 and still alive

I live on that daily grind

No, I’m not just a girl anymore

Tell me how I fucked up now

I’ll tell you how to fuck off POW

Superhero to myself

I don’t need nobody’s help

I do this shit by myself

I don’t need your fucking help

I’m a grown ass woman 

Living in a woman’s world

Don’t ever question that

Cause I’m invincible, unstoppable 

Prepared to take on the world

25 and still alive

I live on that daily grind

No I’m not just a girl anymore

Yeah I got a reputation

But that don’t need an explanation

And I don’t need your confirmation

That I am worth your exploration

Cause you are just a visitation

You’re only here for my consideration

You act as if you won the fight

Won the right to be by my side

But who said you control my might?

Cause I’m invincible, unstoppable 

Ready to rule the world

25 and still alive

I live on that daily grind

I’m not just a girl anymore

I used to be scared all the time

Scared to have fun and just be alive

Scared to break down, open up and cry

Scared to love or put my heart on the line

But now I’ve seen the other side

From being on a daily grind

Every day is a gift of life!

And I’m gonna make it mine!

Cause I’m invincible, unstoppable 

Ready to face the world

25 and still alive

I live on that daily grind

I am not a girl anymore.

White girl rap?

Once upon a time

Start the story with a rhyme

No one asked if it was mine

Just assumed I must have hired

Someone to do it for me

But that shit came from inside

Can’t you see I’m on fire?

Desire for the truth

Learn something new

Spend the day with you

Tell me what can I do?

What do I know about this?

How could I know anything?

When you do everything?

But you do nothing and it’s sad.

You judge me

For being

A druggie

But you see

I still be

A smarty

I better be

Can’t accept second best

Gotta be first better than the rest

Gotta go to work never getting rest

Gotta go to church but I’m never blessed

Cause I don’t want it

Man I’m pagan and I love it

Respect the earth no matter what

Respect each other that’s what’s up

Respect my brothers respect my mother

It don’t matter how she is she’s my fucking mother

But that don’t matter to people like her

She just want some shit to stir up

She just wants talk about being loved

I guess I understand her but not enough.

Think higher

Skyways.

Galaxies and star gazers.

My head’s not in the clouds, it’s beyond the moon’s phases!

Nebulas and exo-planets.

Things I want to see, I want to be.

But I’m grounded.

Next level, next dimension.

I want to understand it all, think about it til I fall!

Back to Earth.

Back to us.

What are we really compared to stardust?

Greedy and selfish.

Undertones and cell phones.

Fighting over a dream or wish.

Humans aren’t perfect, as we all know.

Shouldn’t we strive to be though?

New beginning

So I have two roommates who are my friends. One of them, Jack, has been living with me since august, six months, and has not once paid rent. He owes me $1350. On top of that, he doesn’t clean anything ever. He let’s the dishes pile up on his turn then complains about how many there are until someone else does it. I’ve asked him for a week straight to shovel the dog shit he’s been letting pile up outside my porch. He’s crowded my space with his shit then tries to reason with me on why his shit should stay all over the house. He constantly tries to say that my house belongs to him and that most of my stuff is his. The other roommate, Joey, has paid his rent on time every time, and has even helped out with electric when we needed it. He does dishes normally when its his turn, cleans when I make a fuss, and takes care of his dog. He even gets me food sometimes. So I had to kick out Jack, due to the build up of shit, and due to a potential roommate who can pay the bills. But now the other roommate wants to leave because he can’t be disloyal to his friend. That makes no sense to me. First off, he did this to himself. Its stupid to leave a good situation just because you’re dead beat friend is getting what’s coming to him. Secondly, its stupid to think that if he doesn’t pay me rent, he will pay his friend rent. I thought I was his friend. But look how he treated me. Jack is selfish and ungrateful but I guess I misjudged Joey’s friendship with him. I hope they calm down because this is the stupidest I have seen either of them. And I’m almost afraid of them. Right now, these two men, and their male friend, are the only people in my house besides me. I just told one he has a month to get out, and the other is on his side. The third man is their friend and is apparently siding with them. I know I’m right but I fear they may cause harm to me or my property. I’ve misjudged them once. I won’t do it again. This is not what I needed today.

Knowledge is power.

For me, learning comes easy. Going to school is the easiest thing I have ever done. Ever since high school I’ve struggled to get and keep a job. But school is so interesting. My classes keep me focused and give me something to look forward to. I feel alive when I’m learning and even more so when its building towards a degree. I love to learn. If I could be paid just for going to school and getting good grades, I’d jump at the chance. Schooling is what I’m the best at as well. I excel in all my classes because learning comes easy. I’m so happy I finally got in to college. I’m learning so much more that I had been in the dark about. Not just from my classes, but I’m learning about the higher education process as a whole. I love school.

Moving on.

I don’t want to not miss you anymore. I want to keep you on my mind because you make me so happy, I miss that happiness when you’re near. I miss your laugh and the way you talk. I miss the way you walk while you talk. I miss your silly looks and your jokes, and the way you say I love you. I miss the days when you were sad and all I could do is hold you. I miss the days you got angry with me but apologized soon after. I miss every day I spent with you, and every night next to you. I miss your courage and your heart. I miss your voice and I miss you. I want you back but I’m ok. As much as I miss you, I can live without you. I dont feel the need for you like i used to, although i still care. I love you and i always will. You are the one that got away. Ill keep living and hoping i find happiness like you gave me. Thank you for being the most amazing man I’ve ever met. Thank you for loving me. And thank you for letting me love you.

A letter to my love

I wish I could dream of you but the image in my head is warped. You aren’t the man I knew. The Chris I knew would never have put me through that much pain. But I guess you didn’t trust me yet. You chose to hide your pain instead of admitting to me that it hurts.I wish you could have talked to me. You can’t bottle up this kind of pain. It makes you want to act. It makes you not care about consequences. It makes you unaware of the love right in front of you. Please work through this. I miss you and I want you to trust me. Was that what happened? You do love me but you don’t trust me yet . After what Lauren did you couldn’t be sure that I was going to stay. Please don’t keep this inside. I want you to be happy and I will do anything you ask to show you I will never break your trust in me. I’ve been cheated on to the worst extent. I know how it feels to be abandoned and left with no instructions or guides to help you get through the pain. Its just raw and it festers. It seems like the pain has finally gone but something scrapes it back up to your mind and it hurts worse. Please let me help you. Let me love you and once the pain is gone, you can decide how you feel about me. It hurt for you to break up with me and the pain will always be there, but I can’t blame you for hurting this bad. I feel like you broke up with me so I wouldn’t have to see you sad anymore but that doesn’t matter to me. I want Christopher Marshall Hoffman, all of you, even the sad parts and broken parts. Let me just say by no means do I think you’re weak. I just know what its like and I’ve had trouble with it before. But if I am wrong, I still can’t think bad of you. You made me so happy just being you. If I did something wrong, I’m sorry and I never meant to hurt you. If you just didn’t love me then I’m still grateful that you cared. But if I’m right, please talk to me. Maybe you can’t get back with me but at least talk to me.

Can’t let go

I’m addicted to you. When we were together, you were a part of everything in my life. You supported me getting into college, you talked with me about all our problems, you held me every night I could spend with you. I couldn’t get enough of you. Now that you’re gone, I’m like a junkie on the street. I want so badly just to talk to you again. I want to touch your hair and hold your hand. I wish to hear your voice every night. My brain can remember every moment with you so vividly its almost like I’m there again. I fight so hard not to go after you. I feel so weak without you. I want to do anything to get you back. Almost to the point where I don’t care when I see you after that. I need your love just to feel alive. Just dreaming about you makes me feel like the world is at peace. But when I wake up and you’re not here, I feel so lost. I know what to do and I know what to say, but no one ever told me how to feel. I’ll keep going to school and looking for a job, and I’ll keep eating and drinking. But without you I’m just a husk. When you left, you took my soul with you.

The end of an era

I fear the next guy that tries to hit on me. I will emasculate him. I will destroy his soul. I can’t be mad at Chris. I love him with all my broken heart. But any other man who thinks he can pick me up overnight has the wrong idea and will lose their manhood. No man even comes close to the incredibly high standard that Chris left behind. If I can’t be his I won’t be anyone’s.

Never give up.

It just isn’t fair.
You gave me the world then told me isn’t wasn’t enough.
You did everything right then told me it was all wrong.
You were perfect and left because you weren’t perfect enough.
It makes no sense.
I lived in ecstasy but you said I was living a lie.
I got what I wanted, hoped, and deserved.
But you weren’t getting enough.
So don’t tell me that you were saving me.
Don’t tell me that you still care.
Just come back to me.
Just remember.
You lied to yourself, cheated on yourself.
You chose to runaway.
You decided to leave during the best part of our movie.
You didn’t want the ending.
I’ll wait as long as I can.
Hope you realize this mistake.
But I can’t wait forever.
One day it will be too late.
One day I’ll move on and know I can’t find love again.
But before that day comes, I hope to see you again.
You gave me the world and told me it wasn’t enough. But it was and still is. For me anyway.
If you never want to see me I won’t understand.
What we had is special and you only get one chance.
I know you still love me so stop lying to yourself.